From Intimidation to Inspiration Part 2

Timmie Pollock, PHD

Tackling Intimidation

Ok, so you want to go to that show, or move up a level or go out against the “big boys” (or girls).  What’s the best way to do this?  I will focus on the horse show setting in the examples and strategies I give you.  However, the information will apply to most other situations as well.

Recall your successes.  Realize that it’s not the other people or the event that is intimidating you. Usually what you’re feeling are your own expectations for some sort of negative outcome.  In other words, your fear of failure is what’s really frightening you.  Keeping this in mind, the first thing to do is to start “collecting” your successes.  Make a list of all the successes you’ve had in your life, both in and out of the saddle. All of these things were once new, challenging or a little scary to you. You have managed to do them anyway.  We tend to forget how intimidating such events were at the time because they generally become easier or routine after we’ve taken the plunge. 

Can’t think of any? What about getting your driver’s license or starting your first job? Go back in time as far as you need to. Write each success on an index card and carry the cards with you. Review them until they are permanently etched on your brain. You need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are capable of success.

Know why you show (or train).  Clarify for yourself why you want to show, move from schooling shows to recognized shows or ride in a particular clinic. You will help define what you seek to accomplish through this undertaking if you understand your reasoning and have a clear set of goals .

Here’s an example: “I ride because I like the challenge of improving my physical skills and I love the relationship with my horse.”  If a client told me this, I would point out that the development of her riding skills has nothing to do with who else is in her class.  I would also point out that her love for her horse is probably unrelated to the kind of horse she has.  This client’s intimidation probably would be reduced if she decided that she shows because she likes to use the judges’ scores and comments to asses her progress.  Therefore it doesn’t really matter what the spectators think about her horse and her performance.

Worry only about what you can control.  When you set goals, choose ones that you can control.  You have no control over the weather, your horse’s reaction to a new setting, who else is in your class, the judge’s mood or the time of day that you are scheduled to ride.  You can however control how well turned out you and your horse is, your warm-up, preparations routines and (at least to some extent) the riding of the test itself.  No matter where you place in a class, if you accomplish even a 75% of these “performance goals” you have been successful.  Confidence comes from the accumulation of these smaller achievements.

Learn to focus. Improving your ability to focus will help you to overcome feelings of intimidation because you will gain control over your eyes, ears and thoughts.  Decide what you need to focus on in order to keep your confidence up. For example, don’t watch others warm up if you think you might compare yourself unfavorably.  Don’t listen to scores being announced if that makes you nervous.

Plan your focusing strategy in advance.  Some people need to calm down before they compete and find it helpful to listen to soothing music.  Others do better to “get pumped” by turning on energizing, upbeat tunes. Use positive self-talk such as “I can do this” or “This is an exciting new challenge.”

Monitor your inner voice. You must increase your awareness of how you talk to yourself to overcome feelings of intimidation.  Believe it or not, most of what you are feeling is caused by what you are saying to yourself and may have very little to do with reality.  For instance, it may be true that professionals will be showing against you but does that necessarily mean that you will look bad?  Do you react to such situations by telling yourself, “stay calm; I’m doing OK; this is a little scary but I can handle it” or by thinking, “For Pete’s sake, you fool, everyone knows you’re incompetent; just get through this and get out of here”?  Which one feels better?  Learn to be at least nice to yourself as you would be to your best friend.

Show me a person who has never made a mistake, and I’ll show you someone who has never really accomplished anything.  Confident people can make mistakes-or even do something dumb or embarrassing-and can brush them off or even laugh at themselves.  No matter where your confidence level is right now you can build it by learning to push yourself forward, a little at a time.  Consistently take on small to moderate challenges, not overwhelming ones.  Try not to compare yourself to anyone else and give yourself credit for all of your accomplishments.  Soon you may even begin to enjoy the process. I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Self-Esteem & Peak Performance by motivational speaker Jack Canfield:

“Winners are those people who make a habit of doing the things losers are uncomfortable doing.”

Now get out there and ride!